How Pregnancy is Affecting My Sexual Confidence (and other insecurities of a previously unashamed freaky wife)

*Foreclosure: Because my blog content contains explicit and graphic descriptions of my sexual life as a newlywed, along with accompanying photos to validate such scenarios (yes those are all of my husband and myself I am extremely proud to confirm), it may surprise readers to know that this post has been the most difficult to express. However, I strive for honesty and full disclosure always and must ask my readers to withhold judgement for this emotionally fragile new mommy-to-be.

 

The following is a list of only recently inherited insecurities and self-doubt regarding both motherhood and my sexual confidence as a result of the accompanying changes:

 

  • I am sometimes ashamed of how my body looks naked for my husband.

 

  • I am worried that my maternal instincts will not kick in naturally and I will struggle with things that should be inherent knowledge.

  • I fear I will make mistakes that will emotionally affect my child for life.

  • I worry about being judged by better mothers than myself, as judgement only truly affects my soul when I care very much of the accused shortcoming.

  • I worry my husband will be disappointed in choosing me to bear his children and wish he had chosen differently

  • I worry that I won’t be as good of a mother as the standard my own mom set my sights upon. (actually I do not worry this might be true, I already know my capabilities fall short of hers)

  • I fear that my husband won’t be so overly and obnoxiously and obsessively attracted to me. It is more important than I let him know, and it will devastate me to fall short of his devotion.

Advertisements

My Intro to Anal

 

cropped-screenshot_2017-04-19-21-24-37When I told him I was an ass virgin, I meant everything. Nothing went in the outbox for 28 years, not a finger, not a tongue, certainly not a penis (though many had asked, a couple even rudely attempted to steal) especially one as big as my then-boyfriend’s. Like many others, he didn’t at first believe that it hadn’t been touched.

“Like not even a little? Not just the tip?”

Nope. It weirded me out, to be honest. I mean, what possible satisfaction could you possibly even GET from my asshole that my mouth and ladybits don’t already provide? I get it’s probably super tight, but I’ve never had kids and I’m naturally small-framed so the downstairs stays pretty compact, if you wanted to know the truth.

So why would you even WANT to play around in the excrement housing department? E claims it’s because nobody has claimed me there (heard that before too) and he wants to own ALL of me, to submit my will to his and trust that he will take care of my body always. Plus, turns out my asshole is aesthetically pleasing, who would have known? I certainly didn’t. Nobody told me my asshole looks naturally bleached (until my kind soon-to-be-betrothed informed me of said bleach-look. Yes, I was surprised and not at all embarrassed thank you. Lie, I totes was embarrassed).

I knew I wanted to give it to someone eventually, I had just been waiting for the man worthy enough to bestow it upon. I knew after a week or two that I was in love with E. and for some reason I can’t figure, I knew I wanted to let him claim my ass. When I was ready. Which could take years. Did I mention I was nervous? Did I mention his dick was the biggest I’d ever had in my whole entire life?

He decided to ease my comfort a bit by slowly getting my asshole familiar with being touched and prodded and rubbed and loved, until I asked for its attention on my own. Keep in mind this whole 2-month intro to ass phase I was having nightmares about shitting all over his hands/face/bed/dick really anything I could picture I hallucinated shitting upon.

The first thing he did was sneak-attack lick my pure, unsuspecting asshole one night just like any other. I did what any other sane person would do and clenched up both cheeks tight as I could, and horrified, I asked him what in the hell he was doing.

“I want to taste you, I want to make you feel good”, he smiled up at me from below the covers.

I contemplated that, let it sink in, until I couldn’t help but ask.

“But WHY do you WANT to lick me there?? I poop out of there…?”

I was genuinely confused and embarrassed and not at all intrigued. I mean, I hadn’t even let him lick long enough for me to determine whether or not I liked it. Plus, WTF? Who likes to give a rim job?  (Spoiler alert: I enjoy both giving and receiving now. E: 1. Me: 0) E understandably seemed disappointed as he put a quick stop to any and all bedroom activities for the evening and went to sleep instead. As bad as I felt for turning him down though, I was relieved to have narrowly escaped my worst nightmare of explosive shitting all over my boyfriend’s very nice face. It would be weeks before I conceded submission and let myself realize that I too enjoy a tongue in and around my ass. I also knew this meant something equally new and nerve wracking involving deflowering my ass was just around the corner, and E was going to pursue the conquest until he’d won it all.

ASS VIRGIN TIP: If she (or he) is brand new to the joys of anal sex, have some patience and give the hole some love before plunging in. If E hadn’t used his tongue to relax me over the course of a couple weeks, I never would have been able to unclench enough to allow devirginization.